I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize