Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
