It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
