hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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