wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
