We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
