Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
