Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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