as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
