is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
