I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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