I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
