all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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