I just pynch a tree in the face
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
