you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
