Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
