Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
false alarm, still single
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
