plz talk dirty to me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
