i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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