smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
