So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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