If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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