You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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