I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You are the jesus of drinking
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize