i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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