Where did you get a picture of my penis
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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