Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize