proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my poor anus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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