My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
