Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
