Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
