my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
