just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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