you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think i just lost a toe
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
