A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
