i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
