hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
