Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
