Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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