God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
