So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
