So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
