Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
