And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
