i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize