I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
