I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
