Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
