I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
