dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
