I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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