She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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