Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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