How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
