Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
