Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
