adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
