I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
