It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
