the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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