when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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