my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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