It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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