I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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