Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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