take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
