Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
