he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
