I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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