Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
