And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
