But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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