My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
