i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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