The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
