Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
this hospital has no fireball
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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