Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
