Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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