I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize