I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
