kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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