walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
