the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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