How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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