maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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