these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
