I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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