It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm bleeding and have questions
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize