i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
