I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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