pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
