If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
