My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
