dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
