i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
