...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
