weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
